Live Through This is a collection of portraits and stories of suicide attempt survivors, as told by those survivors. It strips the issue of anonymity and encourages survivors to own their experiences publicly and proudly. It's the first known project of its kind, exploring a world that has remained a taboo for far too long.
Why Live Through This?
Live Through This exists for many reasons. Here are some of them:
It humanizes the issue of suicide by putting faces to the numbers. The survivors who share their stories here are real people who have been through hell. They are also engaging, fascinating people whose voices deserve to be heard. It asks you to look into their eyes, to see their humanity, to find empathy. Everybody should know the basic tenet of suicide prevention: If you're afraid a loved one might be suicidal, ASK. The thought that asking might be putting the idea into your loved one's head is a myth. Depression affects 1 in 10 people–a huge number–but stigma is everywhere. That stigma often results in shame and silence, and the severe depressions that result in suicide frequently go unnoticed. What if this was affecting your mom, your partner, or your best friend? The media sensationalizes suicide for stories. You've inevitably heard of Aaron Swartz and Tyler Clementi, but how often do you hear about suicides that don't come with a snappy headline? How often is a story on suicide presented with a sympathetic view of mental illness, or information on warning signs and strategies? Not often. Each suicide affects 6 people intimately: I have lost dear friends to suicide. Have you? Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US, and it's on the rise. And here we are, afraid of it. I'm convinced that the simple act of getting people to talk about it will save lives. It's a serious public health issue, and one we can do something about if we can just set our fears aside.
How does it work?
After a brief introductory email correspondence, a date is set for a meeting.
The meeting is broken down into two parts: the interview, and then the shoot. First, the survivor tells their story. I let them go at their own pace and include only the details they wish to share. I try not to interrupt–I prefer the story to be as purely from the survivor's perspective as possible and don't want to throw it off course–though I do often ask a few questions at the end. Everything is recorded. Afterward, while the survivor is still in that experiential headspace, we make a set of portraits. Again, my direction is minimal. My only request is that the survivor look directly into my lens. The entire process usually takes about an hour and a half.
I do this work in public spaces because I like to emphasize the survivor's presence in the world they tried to remove themselves from, both within the image itself and the audio footage (which is currently not public).
Each portrait is presented on the website with a curated snippet of the survivor's story: something poignant or a unique perspective. When paired in this way, the portraits and stories work to de-stigmatize suicide as a topic unworthy of everyday dialogue and to serve as proof of life on the other side of a suicide attempt.
What is the end goal?
The portraits and stories are the main product of Live Through This, but the website is the vehicle, and the accessibility of that is incredibly important. It provides comfort to those who are down, insight to those who have trouble understanding depression or suicidal ideation, and a sort of catharsis for those who have lost a loved one. I know for a fact this project has already saved one life–and there's even a Live Through This tattoo out there in the world.
I recently completed a campaign via Kickstarter that will allow me to take the project on the road. I have over 200 attempt survivors all over the country who are on the waiting list. When all is said and done, I hope to have enough material for a book.
Eventually, I'd like to create a mobile exhibition that will serve as an educational tool for universities, organizations, and anyone else who might like to promote suicide awareness in a unique, relatable way.
What do we know about suicide in the U.S.?
A suicide attempt is made about once every 40 seconds [1], and a suicide is completed once every 15 minutes [2]. That breaks down to about 2,160 attempts, 96 completions, and 23 attempts per completion in a single day. Each suicide intimately affects at least 6 people [3]. Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death in 2011 [4]. The rate of suicide has been steadily increasing since 2000 [2], and is at its highest rate since 1991 [5]. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in the 15-24 age range [†]; the second in the 25-34 range [†]; the fourth in the 35-54 range; and the eighth in the 55-64 range [6]. Suicide rates are highest for females aged 45-54 and males aged 75 and older [6]. Men are 4 times more likely to die by suicide than women, but women attempt suicide 3 times more often than men [2]. Native Americans are most likely to die by suicide, followed by Caucasians [2,†]. 90% of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable and treatable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death, most commonly depression (or bipolar disorder), alcoholism, or both [2]. More Americans suffer from depression than coronary heart disease (7 million), cancer (6 million) and AIDS (200,000) combined [7].
† As of January 2013, the images presented as a part of Live Through This are especially indicative of these statistics.
My name is Dese'Rae L. Stage, and I'm a photographer. Portraits are my main focus, but I also shoot everything from live music (link) to headshots (link) to weddings (link), and some other stuff in between. In November 2011, I was chosen as one of three protégés for iStockphoto's Feast mentorship program. I'm self-taught.
In December 2005, I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at East Tennessee State University, where I helped to co-author a comprehensive self-injury self-report (SISR) measure as a part of my undergraduate studies. I also helped to develop studies on a range of other topics surrounding suicide, self-injury, and intimate violence. I'm trained in crisis intervention, having completed LivingWorks’s Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) and QPR Gatekeeper training, in addition to acting as a hotline counselor and rape care companion at the Crisis Center in Bristol, VA in 2005.
I'm a survivor of nine years of self-injury and a suicide attempt catalyzed by an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder in 2004, but choose to regulate fluctuations in my moods without medication and have been functioning at a high level since 2006.
I live in Brooklyn with my girlfriend (a fellow Miami native) and our menagerie. You can see more of my work at deseraestage.com.
I am still seeking attempt survivors to share their stories for Live Through This.
If you would like to do so, please
send me an email with the following information: age (if under 18, your parents will need to sign a model release form for you--no exceptions), location, phone number, a brief description of the situation surrounding your suicide attempt, and whether or not you're comfortable being filmed (please note that your voice will be recorded, at the very least). In order to participate, you must be willing to use your full name and sign a model release (click to download).
I have a number of survivors across the country who are interested in telling their stories. The following cities act as pods (meaning that there are a minimum of three survivors in each who have contacted me about participation), and are where I am currently focusing my travel efforts:
· San Francisco, CA (4/14/13-4/19/13) · Los Angeles, CA · Portland, OR · Eugene, OR · Seattle, WA · Minneapolis, MN · Chicago, IL · Boston, MA · Philadelphia, PA · Washington, DC · Norfolk, VA · Raleigh, NC · Orlando, FL · Miami, FL · Austin, TX
This is a long-term project, and it may take some effort to coordinate meeting/shooting sessions. Your patience is greatly appreciated.
To Inquire about the mobile exhibition (in development) or bringing Dese'Rae to speak about LTT at your university or event, email Monica Orta at monica@livethroughthis.org.
If you feel you are in crisis, don't hesitate to ask for help. Talk to a friend or family member, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They are confidential, to a point, but may contact authorities if they think you're in immediate danger to yourself.
Risk factors for suicide:
mental illness (especially depression) or a substance-abuse disorder (often in combination with other mental illnesses) prior suicide attempt family history of mental disorder, substance abuse, or suicide family violence, including physical or sexual abuse firearms in the home (the method used in more than half of suicides) incarceration exposure to suicidal behavior of others (e.g., family members, peers, or media figures)
Warning signs of suicide:
Threatening suicide, an increased interest in death and dying, expressing a strong wish to die (always treat a suicide threat as a crisis) Observable signs of serious depression, including: unrelenting low mood; pessimism; hopelessness; desperation; anxiety, psychic pain, and inner tension; withdrawal; sleep problems (either too much or too little); abnormal food intake (either too much or too little); pronounced weight loss or gain Increased alcohol and/or other drug use Behavior that is out of character, including impulsiveness or unnecessary risk-taking A sudden and unexpected change to a cheerful attitude (after a depression), especially when the person is on antidepressants Making a plan: making a will, giving away prized possessions, taking out insurance, saying goodbye, sudden or impulsive purchase of a firearm, obtaining other means of killing oneself such as poisons or medications
If you suspect a loved one is suicidal:
Don't be afraid to ask your loved one if they're suicidal. Be direct. Be open, supportive, and non-judgmental. If the answer is yes, be open, supportive, and non-judgmental (e.g., avoid phrases like, "that's selfish," or "…but you have so many reasons to live"). Tell them how much you care about them. Above all, LISTEN. Often, simply acknowledging suicidal feelings is enough to substantially decrease risk of suicide. Seek the help of a professional. Use your intuition and feel it out. If you perceive risk to be low, have them make a verbal commitment to you that they won't harm themselves (or anyone else) and promise to find help. If risk is high, do not leave them alone. Call 911 or take them to the ER. If you're unsure, err on the side of caution.
Lisa Clark · Bryan Caravetta · Pete Oberlin · Donald Peever · Blake Williams · Debbie Cunningham · Kate M. Studley · Genevieve MacKinnon · Taylor Smith · Jeff Van Beck · Shane D. December · Kendra Miller · Matthew Ralston · Lance Weiner · Julie Cooper · Jesse Fryer · Alex Brown · Veronica Harper · Katie M. Walters · Sarah Jolaine Martens · Sabrina Johnson · John Ponte · Deni Swanstrom · Zach Weart · Andres Serrato · Sandra Williams · Ken Bertram · Georgina McCready · Ryan Woodland · Katherine Matthews Kaufman · Gwendolyn Coloton Irwin · Jim Lobaugh March · Alby Kippin · Peter Kippin · Anthony Inzirillo · Matthew Whitmer · Richard Turchon · Nick Wilcox · Zane · Ryan Allen · Ellen Graves · Larry Schultz · Julie Cooper
**If you would like the name of a lost loved one added to this list, email me.
Click the headers above to expand/collapse information.
I met Chris Benedetto in a lively park on the Upper East Side of Manhattan—such an interesting juxtaposition for the story he told me that day. Here is a man who has fought addiction and homelessness, who strives every single day. Below, he talks about external validation and tests of faith. Take a look.
There were times when I just felt like such a misfit. I remember—I’ve been in and out of therapy for a few decades now—there’d be times in group therapy when people would be looking at me like I had a head sprouting out of my shoulder and I’m thinking, ‘Wow, I don’t even fit in with these people?’ You know, so there was, I guess, just this resounding kind of alienation. So, those were, I guess, triggers.
I think a lot of it too was, for years, I always sought validation outside of myself and I let too much of my happiness be contingent on the external. And when I gradually learned to get past that, I think that’s one of the things that messed me up, like, ‘Wow, you know, I’m not drinking, I’m not drugging, I’m not pissing my rent money away. Why is this happening? I’ve been on time every month with my rent. I’ve tried harder with this girl than I have with anyone ever in my life…’
I guess everyone kinda has to take their turn at it, and I guess it was my turn this year. The last big pot hole I hit was probably when my brother died two years ago, so I guess I was kinda overdue for something big. I think too, you know, we get tested on our faith, or if you’ve decided to quit drinking or drugging or gambling, you’ll get those tests. So I think this was probably a mid-term or an SAT.
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If you would like to participate in Live Through This, please contact me.
LTT is on Facebook and Twitter. Follow and share, please. The more people who see this website, the better!
LTT runs mainly on my personal financial resources, but donations are welcome! If you would like to help fund the project, click here.
If you’re feeling suicidal, please talk to somebody. You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
It humanizes the issue of suicide by putting faces to the numbers. The survivors who share their stories here are real people who have been through hell. They are also engaging, fascinating people whose voices deserve to be heard. It asks you to look into their eyes, to see their humanity, to find empathy.